God and Proactiv have a lot in common

As a practicing Christian, I find myself cringing fairly often at much of what gets attributed to God. One of the top things I think Christians get wrong most often is the whole "Great Commission." ("Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." Matthew 28: 19-20)

This is exemplified in ways we've all heard about: Jehovah's Witnesses/Mormons going door-to-door, Jews for Jesus handing out fliers at the Metro stations (which really pisses off my Jewish office-mate), and one of my favorites - Campus Crusade for Christ college students trying to convert people on Panama City beach during spring break. (See above picture of people exercising their freedom of [hate] speech on the National Mall on Independence Day.)


Not only are these attempts at "conversion" [cringe] by total strangers not effective (its like the telemarketing of the Divine), but they seem to tippify the activity that I feel like Christians do better than almost anyone else -- try to make themselves feel like they are better than everyone else. I mean after all, if you are painstakingly serving God during spring break while everyone else is scantily clad, drinking beers, and indulging in general hedonism, then you MUST be further ahead in the line into heaven right? There seems to be an implicit air of paternal judgment in those interactions. (Incidentally, in my opinion judging each other is the thing Christians do most often to displease God. There are MANY verses telling us not to judge each other. e.g. "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37. I mean...dang...its pretty clearly a no-no.)

I struggle with the Great Commission, because I don't think everyone needs to be Christian, and I don't want to convert everyone. I don't want to get into all of it now, but I believe we all - even atheists - are "chosen ones". I think God finds the way that he knows will best speak to each of us, and he uses that method to say "Hey what's up...make sure you're treating each other well." I'll write more on my hippie theology later. The point I want to make now is that I'm fairly sure that when God was creating ways to help others reconnect with him (think: spiritual control-alt-delete), ambush-style proselytizing got crumbled up and thrown at the garbage Michael Jordan jump-shot style like all the other bad ideas. That being said, I have had a few instances where a friend wanted to know about my religion and how it affects me and why I do it and so on. In these circumstances, I do think it is important to be honest and share. Who knows, maybe this person is trying to reboot spiritually and needs some help.

So, this past summer while in the shower (where all my best philosophy comes from), I came to a brilliant realization that made it all very clear -- God is like Proactiv. Other than the fact that Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson love it, Proactiv is God-like in its miraculous powers. But you don't just go and tell your roommate that she needs Proactiv. Your suggestion implies a judgment that she has bad skin. You just use it. You let her see that you use it. In casual conversation you mention that you are an avid user. And eventually, she might grow more curious. She might ask you questions about it. You might mention how she can order it. Eventually, she might try the 60-day free trial for herself. Maybe it will work for her.

Maybe she won't be interested, and that's fine. You have to respect that. Maybe she really believes in the powers of Neutrogena skin-care products. Maybe she's using special herbal supplements to try to zap her zits. Maybe she doesn't really care, because she's happy with herself just as she is. Cool.

But one thing's for sure, she's not going to be interested in anything you have to offer if you insult her or silently condemn her complexion.

No judgment. No pressure. I just think that's how God wants people to find Him...and our skin care regimes.